Step-son - who it is and at what points it is necessary to pay attention
Situations in life are different, and not always have to educate only their children. If your future wife or spouse already has a child, then the stepson should be treated no worse than to his own children. This little man deserves that you make an effort to make friends with him, to become part of his family.
Step-son - who is this, if you look at the meaning of words in dictionaries?
This word has several meanings. Firstly, it is the non-native son of one of the spouses and the son of the other. That is, he can be his own son, for example, his wife, but to have a non-native husband, or vice versa. Often a non-native son does not receive the right amount of attention, experiences adversity of a different nature. In the literature, the stepson is often persecuted by his stepmother, performs all the dirty work in the house. There is another option - it can be so beautiful that the stepmother falls in love with him.
Asking to understand the stepson - who it is, you can find in the dictionaries and one more meaning of the word, but we will not consider it. This is called the lateral shoot of the plant growing from the sinuses of the leaves. But this is the topic of another article.
Stepon and stepfather. Very delicate situation
Most often the child turns out to be opposed to his stepfather, the "new pope". This is the case in 90% of cases. Such a childish reaction is more than understandable and absolutely normal - he always had a mother, and the new man tries to wedge in between him and his mother, take away her love, attention and free time ... Of course, the child will be unhappy.
How correctly to behave to the adult, that the kid could accept the new person in family?
Too emotional reaction is normal
Too violent and emotional reaction of the child is perfectly normal, and it should not be frightened. Over time, with the correct strategy of the behavior of the mother and her beloved, you can establish good relationships with the child. Worrying follows the quiet. It often happens that a child does not make a tragedy from the fact that he is now a stepson, whoever this is. He calmly reacts to the appearance of a new person, does not show signs of discontent, but ... can begin to see nightmares, scream and cry in a dream. With these children it is better to talk in advance, do not put them before the fact. It should be explained that Mom still loves him, does not seek a replacement for him, will not let him offend if something bad happens. If you do not go to reassure the child on your own, a good way out will be an appeal to a child psychologist.
Sometimes it happens that the children, on the contrary, react positively to the appearance of the stepfather. They sincerely wish Mom happiness, behave like adults and meticulously evaluate a candidate for her new husbands. They themselves make the first step toward friendship with their stepfather. In order for events to evolve in such an ideal scenario, a few simple rules should be noted. They will be discussed below.
How should mom and stepfather behave?
- A man's favorite man should with her help become a friend for her child. A good way is to study the interests of the baby, understand what worries him, what he dreams about, what he is afraid of. So it will be easier for him to touch in topics that are interesting to the child, to establish contact with him.
- You can not immediately inform a little person about your intentions (for example, "My name is Uncle Kolya, I'm your stepfather, you're my stepson, who will take this negatively, that's wrong"). You should start with the desires and problems of the baby. If later, when the contact is established, the man pretending to be a stepfather will want to tell the child about his plans, then you can try to do it, but you need to be careful and carefully choose words. It should be emphasized that the stepfather is not going to claim the place of the father of the child and understands perfectly well that he can have only one father.
- It will be great to add the child to the hobby of the new husband of mother. It often happens that stepchildren with the time with the most joyful emotions remember their stepfathers, with whom they went fishing when they were young, repairing cars in the garage. Mom, no matter how ideal and loving she may be, will not be able to open to her son all the secrets of the male world.
- Do not begrudge the boy, giving him toys. And it's absolutely impossible to remind him constantly how many great cars the friend of his mother gives him, in spite of the fact that he is his stepchild. Who asked me to do this? Did the child ask for these toys?
- An excellent option for establishing relationships is the situation when mother, stepfather and the child go somewhere together - in the circus, cinema, children's park. It is very important that the child associate the appearance of his stepfather and stay with him with positive emotions.
- Meetings of the stepfather and the child should be conducted at a clearly defined time. This will bring at once two positive results. First, what passes at a clearly defined time, quickly turns into a ritual and becomes the norm. Secondly, it immediately becomes clear how the child perceives these contacts - whether he is inspired before meeting with his stepfather or, conversely, becomes sad and sad.
How should mom behave?
- You can not force a child to call his mother's mate Pope. This is for his mother he is a beloved man, for a child he is an outsider and a stranger's uncle.
- A new partner should not become the main one in matters of upbringing of a stepson. Otherwise, the child will seem that the mother has moved to the side of the "stranger", and no reaction, except for the negative, it can not cause.
- One can not speak ill of the biological father of a boy. Do not compare his "real" and "new" popes. Any negative response to the biological father can cause a negative on the part of the child. Over time, he will understand that the pope is not always the man who gave life. This is the person who is always there - helps, protects, from whom you can ask for advice.
In the "stepson and stepmother" relationship, the same rules should be applied, only the stepmother becomes a stepfather, and the father of the child takes the place of the mother. In the case of observing these simple rules, maintaining the most tactful, kind relations in the family will be happiness.