Stepson — who he is and what points you should pay attention
Situations in life happen different, and not always have to bring up their children. If your future spouse already have a child, stepchild should be treated no worse than their own children. This little man deserves to have you made efforts to befriend him, become a part of his family.
Stepson — who is it, if you look at the meaning of the word in the dictionary?
This word has several meanings. First, it is the step-son of one of the spouses and a son to another. That is, it can be the native son, for example, wife, but to have a foreign husband, or Vice versa. Often step-son is not getting the right amount of attention, experiencing the hardships of a different nature. In the literature stepson often persecuted by the stepmother, performs all the dirty work. There is another option – it can be so beautiful that the stepmother falls in love.
If we try to understand, stepson — who can be found in the dictionaries and another meaning of the word, but we will not be considered. The so-called growing from the leaf axils of lateral shoot of a plant. But that's a topic for another article.
Stepson and stepfather. A very delicate situation
Most often, the child is set against the stepfather, "a new Pope". In 90% of cases. Such a childish reaction is more than understandable and absolutely normal – my mother had always been, and the new man is trying to drive a wedge between him and mom, to get her love, attention and free time... of Course, the child will be unhappy.
How to behave an adult so that the baby could accept a new person in the family?
Too emotional reaction – this is normal
Too violent and emotional reaction of the child is absolutely normal and should not be afraid of it. Over some time, with the right strategy of behaviour of the mother and her beloved man you can build a good relationship with the child. Worrying follow up. It often happens that the child is not a tragedy that he now stepson who is no matter. He calmly reacts to the appearance of a new person does not show signs of discontent, but... may begin to see the nightmares, screaming and crying in her sleep. With such children it is better to talk beforehand, don't put them before the fact. I should explain that mom still loves him, not looking for a replacement, will not give offense, if there is something wrong. If you do not go to appease the child on their own, a good option would be an appeal to a child psychologist.
Sometimes it happens that the children, on the contrary, extremely favourable to the emergence of a stepfather. They sincerely wish mom happiness, behave as adults and picky judge a candidate in her new husbands. They make the first step towards friendship with the stepfather. To see the events so the perfect scenario should be to take note of a few simple rules. They will be discussed below.
How to behave like a mother and stepfather?
- Beloved mom needs with her help, be a friend to her child. A good option is to study the interests of the baby, to understand that he cares about what he wants, what he fears. So it will be easier to relate to in conversations of topics of interest to the child to establish contact with him.
- Cannot just tell the little man about his intentions (e.g., "my name is uncle nick, I'm your stepfather, you're my stepson, who perceive it negatively, that's wrong"). We must start with the desires and problems of the baby. If then, when the contact is selected, the man claiming to be his stepfather, will want to tell your child about your plans, then you can try to do it, but you have to be careful and choose my words very carefully. It should be emphasized that the stepfather is not going to qualify in the place of the father of the child and is well aware that his dad can only be one.
- It will introduce the child to the hobby of the new husband's mother. Often the stepchildren, over time, with the most joyful emotions remember their stepfathers with whom they are childhood went fishing, repairing the car in the garage. Mom, no matter how perfect and loving she may be, will not be able to access his son all the secrets of the male world.
- Not worth it to appease the boy by giving him toys. And it does not constantly remind him how many cool cars buddy gives him his mother, despite the fact that he is his stepson. Who asked you to do? Unless the child asked for these toys?
- Ideal relations is when my mom, stepdad and the baby go somewhere together – to the circus, cinema, children's Park. It is very important that the child has associated the emergence of his stepfather and stay with him with positive emotions.
- Meetings of the stepfather and the child should be clearly specified time. It will bring two immediate benefits. First, what passes in time, quickly goes into the category of rituals and becomes the norm. Second, it becomes immediately clear how the child perceives these contacts – whether he was excited before the meeting with the stepfather, or, conversely, becoming downcast and sad.
How to behave as a mother?
- We must never force a child to call mom's choice dad. This is for my mother, he loved the man, for the child he is outside and someone else.
- The new partner should not become Central to the education of the stepson. Otherwise the child will think that mom moved to the side of "the stranger", and no reaction, but negativity, it can cause.
- Not to speak ill of the biological father of the child. You should not compare it to the "real" and "new" dad. Any negative remark to the biological father can cause the negative side of the child. Over time he'll understand that dad is not always the man who gave life. This is the man who is always there – helps protect, from whom you can seek advice.
In a relationship "stepson and stepmother" should apply the same rules, only the stepmother takes the place of her stepfather, and the father – mother. If you observe these simple rules, maintain a tactful, good relations in the family will be happy.