Punishing a child
There are no parents who do not want to live with their children in full mutual understanding. Many mothers and dads are wondering how to raise a child without screaming and punishing. Let's try to figure out why this does not always work out for us, and we'll find out what needs to be done to ensure that our house is peaceful and calm.
According to psychologists, often parents can not achieve anything by words, because they use the wrong method of education. Also, experts note that a big role in this matter is played by the temperament of the baby. Of course, there can not be any advice in the child's education that would be equally suitable for each individual family. However, the basic rules, respecting which you can build the right relationship, you should know.
Crises of age in children
Sometimes parents incorrectly determine the reasons for their children's bad behavior. Moms and dads think that they do not behave as they should, contrary to prohibitions and to spite. It turns out that the cause of whims and hysteria in many cases is a crisis of age, which marks the main stages of the child's growing up.
Stages of growing up of underage children:
- From two to four years. This is the age when the child first begins to show his character. He wants to be more independent than his parents allow. Avoiding cries and punishments at this age is easy enough.
- Seven years. At this age, children in many issues become independent of their mothers and dads. The difficulty is that a child at seven years of age may have authorities other than parents.
- Adolescence. This period psychologists consider one of the most difficult in the life of each person.
The main rules of pedagogy
- First of all, it should be noted that one should not press on their young children with authority and in every possible way try to restrain their independence. This is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you can raise a pretty obedient child. But on the other hand, it also threatens that in adulthood, he will not be able to take responsibility for his actions. Relations between parents and children should be built on the principle of partnership.
- Do not demand obedience from the child in the form of ultimatums and orders. It is much more correct to present your requests in the form of wishes.
- Often praise your child for good deeds.
- Never raise a voice in a conversation with a baby, do not lose self-control and be calm.
- Remember that you are the authority for children. Always be a positive example for them. Toddlers see in their parents an ideal and watch closely how they behave in the family and among strangers. Before you chastise your child for violating any prohibitions, make sure that you also do not violate them.
Learning to punish children correctly
Some parents believe that a naughty child can not be brought up without punishments and screams. They are sure that this is one of the components of the pedagogical process. In this case, moms and dads should clearly adhere to the limits of punishment. They should understand that the goal of education in no case should not become revenge, and observe certain rules:
- There should be absolutely no violence in the relationship with the child. Avoid even light slaps supposedly in jest.
- Parents' requirements must always be consistent. You can not at different times treat the same misconduct of a child differently.
- The kid should know that disobedience will lead to bad consequences.
- You must punish immediately after the misconduct. Measures to be taken later will not be properly received and will lose their effectiveness.
- The punishment of children in the family must be temporary.
- A bad deed should be discussed alone with the child.
- You can not insult or label your baby. Condemnation is subject to specific action, and not the personality of the child.
- Do not remember the children of their previous misconduct. Discussing the punishment of the child, talk to him only about what he was guilty of now.
Spank or not a child in 2 years?
Especially it is necessary to understand the punishment of a child up to three years of age. To scold a baby or not, how to deal with a naughty little one? Some parents, without hesitation, use physical force: put in a corner or slap on the priest. Other adults prefer to exert moral pressure on the child, for example they refuse to read the baby before going to bed or do not give a look to the cartoon.
On the methods of pedagogy written a huge amount of work, but the parents still always return to the same question: is it possible to spank the child? Some psychologists are convinced that if parents do not abuse physical punishment, and also if they do not frighten the child, then sometimes this method can still be used.
The fact is that a child older than two years already begins to realize that in some situations he does something wrong. But he can not always stop his bad behavior. Children of this age sometimes check the boundaries of what is permissible. They have not yet learned to navigate well in our world and sometimes find out how far in caprices and pampering parents allow them to go. In this case, the mother or father should use those measures of punishment of the child that will stop him and show a clear line.
Most experts agree that before the child reaches the age of two, there is no point in punishing and scolding him. Before this age, this behavior of parents can be regarded by the child not as they would like. Such a child, when he was put in a corner, thinks that he is bad, so Mom and Dad do not like him. He can see the consequences of his bad behavior (a broken plate, a stained or broken thing), but until the end he still does not understand that it was because of him.
It is very important at an early age to teach a child to treat the things surrounding him correctly, by setting specific bans. In this case, in details, which the kid is unlikely to understand, do not go into it.
How to bring up toddlers up to three years old?
This age is often characterized by the appearance in children of imaginary friends-shalunishek. By shifting the blame for committing bad deeds to others, the child feels more confident. Parents in this case need to understand why their baby chose this pattern of behavior. It is necessary to try to discuss the situation with a crumb and help him to fix it. Guys who are not afraid of the condemnation and anger of their parents, as a rule, tell them unhindered why they acted badly.
Closer to the age of three, the kids want to feel more independent of their parents. That's when they begin to act in spite of mom and dad. You should not punish a three-year-old because you can hardly achieve obedience. The child in response to the use of force will resist even more actively. Psychologists recommend to pranks and vagaries of three-year-old kids to treat with the knowledge that over time this behavior will come to naught.
Many experts are convinced that parents, choosing the method of punishment of children from two to three years, should clearly realize what kind of result they want to achieve. Physical punishment of children will not give a lasting effect. To help the child realize their guilt and improve, you need to calmly explain to him why others upset his act. Learn to treat the little man carefully, to hear it. This method will be the best "punishment".
Teachers classify the penalties as follows:
- explanatory conversation;
- natural punishment of the child;
- symbolic punishment.
Ignoring is one of the most effective methods. At the same time, it should be used with extreme caution and with serious misconduct, so as not to undermine the authority of parents. Psychologists note that when the baby fulfills the demand of the mother or father, then they must certainly caress him. It is very important to understand that parents should always remain friends, whom he can trust in a difficult moment for him.
If you have wondered how to raise a child without screaming and punishing, then more often spend with the baby explanatory conversations. With the guilty child, you need to talk in a calm and reserved environment. Parents should try to find out from the baby why he did this, and it is possible to explain to him why it can not be done. This measure of punishment allows you to build trust between adults and children, as well as find a common language. Talking without screaming and notating, you can achieve excellent results from the conversation.
Natural punishment occurs when the very act of the child entails retribution. In this case, it's enough just to remind the kid that he was warned about the consequences.
Symbolic punishment of a child is to limit the child's actions (stand in a corner, do not look at your favorite cartoon).
Why do they punish children?
To avoid understatement in this matter, you need to negotiate with the children in advance, what can you do, and what - you can not. The child should be introduced into the course of prohibitions, which, in turn, should be justified by an adult. If the kid has committed an act, but he was not yet on the list of prohibitions, the parent will have to refrain from punishment.
When can not punish?
We need to understand that each situation is individual, so you can not act in a temper. Even if the child has committed a reckless act, then in some cases, punish him still not worth it. These are the following situations:
- before bedtime;
- during illness;
- when a child eats;
- during the game;
- if the child is now a period of rehabilitation from a previously obtained physical or mental trauma;
- when the child made a mistake, but sincerely tried to avoid it;
- if an adult is upset and in a bad mood.
Encouraging and punishing children
It is believed that it is the promotion and punishment that are the only effective methods of managing people. The purpose of these actions with respect to children is to develop a conditioned reflex. So, for correct behavior the kid receives encouragement, for wrong - punishment.
There are such kinds of punishments for children:
A fair measure is the impact following the violation of the rules that parents and the child previously discussed. If the kid is punished unjustly, as a result he gets a very strong insult, and his parents - a deep sense of guilt. These are situations in which there is a misunderstanding of the meaning of punishment. Therefore, moms and dads should as much as possible specify their requirements for the child.
Also, parents often unfairly punish their children because of the influence of any situations not directly related to the behavior of the kids. Adults should learn to control their psycho-emotional state. This will allow children not to be confused due to inconsistent behavior of parents.
The most tragic, according to psychologists, is the situation when the child is punished, because he is unloved. If parents find the strength to recognize this, they can try to remedy the situation. Relations with children from such parents should be built on a sense of duty.
Teachers do not tire of repeating that the main task of moms and dads is to raise their children with minimal psychological trauma.
Methods of encouraging the child
The method of encouraging a child for good behavior is chosen on the basis of his age. So, the younger the baby, the more tangible for him should be the encouragement. You can give your child a new toy that he has wanted for a long time, or play with him for a little longer. The older children can be offered as an endorsement to go to the circus or entertaining complex next weekend. The children have a better developed sense of time, so they will accept this award correctly.
Methods of punishment
When choosing methods of punishment for a child, one must also start from his age:
- Insulation. If the child is guilty, he is either put in a corner, or left in the room. Nearby there should be no entertainment, so that the kid could calmly think over his offense and realize the guilt. The time of this punishment is very simple: how old a child is, how many minutes it must be isolated.
- Deprivation of pleasure. If the naughty child has committed an impartial act, then as punishment it will be appropriate to deprive him of sweets or a favorite toy for a while.
- The punishment of a child by a stranger. This method is very effective. Guys take to heart the criticism of outsiders, so you can ask someone else to tell you about the harm of bad behavior.
- Scream. This method should be used only in situations dangerous for the health of the child. Scream at the baby can be that he stopped the dangerous action. In other cases, you do not need to do this. The kid, most likely, will not understand what the essence of parental claims is, but the style of such behavior will be learned perfectly and will apply to your address.
- Strictness. Some parents only need to strictly look at the child, as he begins to reflect on his behavior. Excessive severity leads to the fact that the kid begins to lie to avoid punishment.
Each parent is convinced from his own experience that raising a child is one of the most difficult missions in a person's life. If adults have the knowledge how to do it correctly, then it will be much easier for them to raise a child in mutual understanding and love.