How to communicate and work with difficult children
Many teenagers in times of rebelliousness and juvenile maximalism are called difficult children. This term is not entirely correct, because teenagers often have such a difficult behavior is temporary, all explained by the riot of hormones that force young people to react very sharply to the surrounding reality. However, if a family is a difficult child, this is manifested much earlier. Problems with the upbringing of such children become urgent even at a very early age. How to live with a difficult child without compromising one's psyche?
First, let's define the terminology. Toddlers and older children, whose personality needs, in the opinion of specialists, in the adjustment, are called in psychology by difficult children. This is by no means a diagnosis or a verdict. Such a definition should be considered as a personal feature, especially since manifestations of "difficulty" can be very different. At some children it pours out in excessive anxiety and aggression. Others develop a strategy of disobedience to spite parents. At the third and at all can be expressed in destructive behavior, and quite often completely unconscious.
The reason for this peculiarity of the child's personality is, as it is unfortunate, in the family where it grows. This is why often difficult children are called children from orphanages. After all, the environment in which they grow, contributes to the incorrect formation of the psyche, habits and behavior. However, sometimes such a child can grow up in a complete, prosperous family. The reason why children become "difficult" is the microclimate. Perhaps in the family there are quarrels between parents, assault, tense atmosphere. Or, perhaps, the desires and needs of the child for some reason remain unheard by his father and mother.
Then "difficult" behavior is a way to attract attention. And quite a small percentage of children are considered to be so because of congenital or acquired problems with the nervous system. However, even with this peculiarity of personality, the child can grow up to be a developed and integrated person in society.
What is the work with difficult children from parents?
First, if you want to change the state of things, start by looking for the cause and eliminating it, or at least with a softening. As soon as the child ceases to be under the constant pressure of pressure because of conflicts in the family, he will be able to reconsider his behavior and learn how to behave properly. Secondly, do not scold children. Do not make too many prohibitions. The strategy of connivance against the child gives fruit, if everything is within reason. That is, actions that deliberately lead to a danger to the life and health of the child should be limited.
However, not just a ban, but a detailed and calm explanation of why it should not be done. And disobedience and caprices leave as is. At first the child will be surprised at this permission to do everything. And then, when he gets used to the fact that he is not restricted by prohibitions, firstly, those actions that are performed in spite of parental requirements will disappear, and secondly, it will be possible to start the second step of education.
The second step is communication with difficult children. That is, you need to talk with any child. And difficult children require much more communication. They need to recite every situation in which they behaved incorrectly. And while talking about it should be so as not to fall into the accusation of the baby in what he did. It is necessary to talk about the consequences of his actions and his negative influence on the world around him. Then the child will be able to understand that his actions caused someone, or something, pain, trouble and inconvenience, but will not earn a guilt complex. Well, the most important thing that you need when dealing with difficult children is patience and boundless love from the parents.