As not to spoil the child: guidelines for parents
A loving parent unintentionally spoil the child will not be difficult. It is possible to approach pregnancy, to thoroughly prepare for parenthood, but after the long-awaited Chad all the advice and read in numerous books the rules somehow forgotten.
Recommendations for parents, different strategies of proper education and development of children today are provided in any available information sources. But it often happens that parents for a long time do not recognize the problem in his family. When a spoiled child becomes obvious, to change the situation and use other features of education is very problematic.
Typical errors in education
No adequate parent would not want their education to spoil the future life of the child. Everyone wants their child only the best, and this statement is undeniable true. It might seem like you can hurt the little man with his love and care? But it turns out that you can.
Most often the problem is found spoiled in a family where one child is brought up. And if he is still coveted and long-awaited, then the whole family entourage in the face of moms, dads, grandmothers, aunts and other relatives wish in any way to show their joy.
Naturally, all the attention and care after birth now belongs only new member of the family. And at first glance, this situation is perfectly normal and natural, as a small child as no one else needs care and guardianship. The problem arises when the baby grows up and the halo of the fanatical love and care around him has not dissipated.
The reasons why parents spoil their child
It is unlikely that someone deliberately wants to spoil the baby and get instead of obedient and cute baby whimsical, hysterical and unruly creature. Naturally, features of education and specific issues exist in every family. But there are several basic reasons why the children are spoiled by parents:
- It seems to us that with age, the child will have time to deal with the problems of life, difficulties and troubles. Sooner or later the world will show the child that violence. That is why it is often desirable to delay the moment of growing up and let the kid enjoy childhood, happy and carefree.
- Sometimes not enough patience, endurance and time to wait for the child to do something myself: will clean their toys, get dressed, gather or eat. Parents easier to do it for him, thus saving their time and nerves. But thus the little man is deprived of the possibility to do something on their own and used that for him, all the others are doing.
- Blind love for his offspring is dictated by the desire to give him all the best. We want to be in the childhood of the child were the best things, food and toys. Such desires are understandable, but adequate care and desire to please and fanatical worship of the child to have a very fine edge.
Such zatarivanie many sweets, toys and expensive things can lead another reason. For example, if the parents are almost always on the move or simply are away from home by the perpetual employment on the job. Or in the case when the parents are divorced, and one of them is no longer living with the child. When a missing adult is often a sense of guilt, he tries to make amends. Thus compensating for their absence, the parents bring the child Royal habit "to make the gifts."
Another reason that the family can spoil a child, are childish insults and complexes of their parents. If we in the childhood were deprived of attention, care, love, toys and, of course, trying to do everything that our child did not know these bitter resentment.
Spoiled – the problem of personality in the future
The term "spoiled" means a person who is accustomed to having all their desires and whims. The child, who from childhood was shielded from any problems and worries, growing up, begins to face many problems. It is unadapted to adult and independent life.
Since spoiled from childhood people are not used to achieve their goals myself, in adult life he may be unprepared for the fact that none of it solves nothing. Not getting the desired, such a person may fall into a state of frustration and take a passive wait and see attitude, that is, to expect that everything will resolve itself.
Also such a person is not clear why the surrounding in adult life people are constantly they do not admire and praise him. Now that no one believes the most intelligent, beautiful and talented man can be in a constant state of frustration. Unfortunately, with that mindset and perception to organize your life successfully will be extremely difficult.
The main signs that in education Chad, mistakes were made
What to do if friends, relatives or friends say that you grow a very spoiled child, but you do not see the child's behavior global problems? Every mother will always justify the favorite child, considering that at least occasionally, but every child has the right to whims, disobedience, and even hysterical.
In order to understand if there is a problem actually, you need to consider several signs confirming that children are spoiled by parents:
- In order that the child anything did it always have to persuade.
- Little capricious clamoring permanent subordination. This applies to parents, relatives, caregivers and other children. The kid refuses to listen to anyone and wants to always was as he said.
- A very spoiled child almost always refuses to clean up after yourself, including toys. The family pet stubbornly and adamantly standing his ground. To make him obey without hysteria almost unreal.
- The child does not understand the meaning of the word "no" does not take the bounce and gets her way by any means.
- He has no respect for the feelings of others.
- The child often puts parents in an uncomfortable situation, including the people. The presence of outsiders it does not bother and not care.
- A child cannot be alone even for a short time. It requires constant attention to his person and attract him by any means available.
- Begin to show the first signs of greed. He flatly refuses to share with someone toys, sweets and other things. Child sure that everything in this world belongs only to him.
- Frequent tantrums during which manifest emotions such as aggression towards others, including to the native people.
Hysteria is the main way children's manipulation
Quite often the problems of education become apparent when a spoiled child gets used to achieve their tantrums. This is one of the most common ways to manipulate adults. Sometimes a tantrum can happen unconsciously, as a small child, unlike adults, do not know how to control their emotions. Hysteria from mere Caprice to distinguish quite easily.
Under normal whim of the child may be upset, offended or quietly cry. Hysterical accompanied by violence, uncontrollable crying, children can fall on the floor, scream, stomp their feet, and sometimes even beat the adults.
How to behave properly
Parenting issues become apparent, if your child started to use such manipulations. Of course, any parent to watch that kid to be hurt, and your child will be very sorry. But to concede in such a situation means to make it clear that a tantrum works. If, after this behavior, the child will be desired, consider that now you are doomed to constant tantrums.
How to calm a baby
The culture of parenting needs to be present from an early age. Let the child understand that this behavior to anything will not lead. If a hysterical fit began at home, just leave the baby alone in the room and explain that we will continue the conversation with him only after he calms down.
Hysterical outside the home – what to do?
The situation is much more difficult when the hysteria begins in a public place. Many parents are lost and are beginning to be shy of others. At this moment they agree to give a small tantrum, but he quickly calmed down. Such behavior is unacceptable and is the most direct way to pamper the child even more.
If such a thing has happened in the shop, cafe or on the street, just a little step away from the child that he realized that his hysteria no one is watching. Of course, the distance must be such that the parent was watching their child, but the child should understand that his concert was left without an audience. You will be surprised how quickly little tyrant will be able to take myself in hand.
Recommendations for parents
Proper early child education will help to avoid many problems in the future. To help to develop correct tactics, especially when the family grows one child, you can listen to the advice of teachers and psychologists:
- The house should be subject to certain rules, and the child should be aware that their execution is obligatory (e.g., cartoons do not look for more than an hour a day, toys are cleaned after the game necessarily).
- Seniors need to stand firm in the decisions. Absolutely impossible to prohibit something to a child, and then one more time to resolve.
- Do not indulge the whims and desires of the children, if they are not really justified. Let them know that there is a measure. In cases where a child is persistently something is asking, ask for what it is. If the baby will be able to prove that it is necessary in this case, let or buy. If it's just a whim, explain to the kid that what he wants is not absolutely necessary.
- The child must be their most simple and primitive chores like make your bed or clean your room. Do not allow other adults to make it for him.
- Never indulge a child's tantrum.
Unity in the family – the key to a proper education
Both parents must adhere to uniform principles and tactics of education. If there are grandparents and other relatives, they should support the parents. If one member of the family that prohibits something, the other one in any case should not allow. All family members should clearly understand that the love and pity of a baby, of course. But if you indulge him as a child, then such education does not help him in the future. In adult life this child will have to face many difficulties to which he is not ready.