How not to spoil the child: recommendations for parents
Loving parent will inadvertently spoil the child will not be difficult. It is possible to approach with all responsibility to pregnancy, thoroughly prepare for motherhood and fatherhood, but after the appearance of the long-awaited child all the tips and the rules read in numerous books for some reason are forgotten.
Recommendations for parents, various strategies for the proper upbringing and development of children are now available in any accessible information sources. But often it happens that parents for a long time do not recognize the problem in their family. When the child's spoiling becomes obvious, it is very problematic to change the situation and apply other characteristics of upbringing.
Typical errors in education
No adequate parent would like to spoil his future life with his upbringing. Everyone desires his child only the best, and this statement is unquestionable true. It would seem, how can you harm a little man with his love and care? But it turns out that you can.
Most often, the problem of spoiling occurs in a family where one child is brought up. And if he is also welcome and long-awaited, then the whole family suite in the person of mother, father, grandmother, aunts and other relatives want to show their joy in any way.
Naturally, all attention and care after birth now belongs only to the newly made member of the family. And at first glance, this state of affairs is quite normal and natural, because a small child like no other needs care and care. The problem arises when a baby grows up, and the aura of fanatical love and care around him does not dissipate.
The reasons why parents pamper their child
Hardly anyone intentionally wants to spoil the child and get instead of obedient and sweet kid capricious, hysterical and naughty creation. Naturally, the peculiarities of upbringing and their specificity exist in every family. But at the same time, there are several main reasons why parents spoiled children in families:
- It seems to us that with age the child will have time to face life problems, difficulties and troubles. Sooner or later the world around us will show the child its cruelty. That's why you often want to delay this moment of growing up and let the kid enjoy childhood, joy and carelessness.
- Sometimes there is not enough patience, endurance and time to wait for the child to do something himself: remove his toys, dress, gather or eat. It's easier for parents to do it for him, saving their nerves and time. But in this way a little man is deprived of the opportunity to do something on his own and gets used to the fact that others do everything for him.
- Blind love for his offspring dictates the desire to bestow on him all the best. We want the child to have the best things, food and toys as a child. Such desires are explicable, but adequate care and the desire to please and fanatical worship of your child have very delicate facets.
Redemption of guilt by gifts
To such an enticement with numerous sweets, toys and expensive things can lead to another reason. For example, if the parents are almost always on the road or are simply out of the house due to permanent employment at work. Or, in the case of parents divorced, and one of them no longer lives with the child. When the often absent adult has a feeling of guilt, he tries to make up for him with a variety of gifts. Compensating in this way for their absence, parents raise in the child the royal habit of "accepting gifts."
Another reason that the family can spoil the child, are children's grievances and parents' complexes. If we ourselves in childhood were deprived of attention, care, love and toys, then, of course, we try to do everything so that our child does not know these bitter grievances.
Spoiledness - the problem of the person in the future
The term "spoiled" means a person who has become accustomed to the fulfillment of all his desires and whims. A child who, from childhood, was protected from any problems and worries, growing up, begins to face many problems. He turns out to be unfit for adult and independent life.
Since a man spoiled since childhood is not used to achieving his goals himself, in adulthood, he may not be ready for the fact that no one decides for him. Having not received the desired, such a person can fall into a state of frustration and take a passive waiting attitude, that is, wait that everything will somehow be resolved by itself.
Also, it will be unclear to such a person why people around him in adult life constantly do not admire him and do not praise him. From the fact that now no one considers him to be the most intelligent, beautiful and talented, a person can be in a state of constant frustration. Unfortunately, it will be extremely difficult to arrange your life with this attitude and perception.
The main signs that mistakes were made in the upbringing of the child
What should I do if friends, relatives or friends say that you have a very spoiled child growing up, but you do not see the global problem in your child's behavior? Each mother will always justify her beloved child, believing that at least occasionally, but any child has the right to vagaries, disobedience and even hysteria.
In order to understand if the problem really exists, you need to consider several signs that confirm that children are spoiled by their parents:
- In order for a child to do something, he constantly has to persuade.
- A small capricious person insistently demands constant submission. This applies to parents, relatives, educators and other children. The kid refuses to listen to anyone and wants to always be the way he said.
- A very spoiled child almost always refuses to clean up after himself, including scattered toys. At the same time, the family's favorite stubbornly and categorically stands on his own. Making him obey without hysteria is almost impossible.
- The child does not understand the meaning of the word "no", does not accept refusals and achieves it by any means.
- He has no respect for the feelings of others.
- The child often puts parents in uncomfortable situations, including in public. The presence of strangers does not bother him in any way and does not bother him.
- A child can not be alone for even a short time. He requires constant attention to his person and attracts him by any available means.
- Begin to show the first signs of greed. He categorically refuses to share with someone toys, sweets and other things. The child is sure that everything in this world belongs to him alone.
- Frequent hysterics, during which such emotions as aggression to others, including the most native people, are manifested.
Hysterics - the main way of child manipulation
Quite often, the problems of upbringing become obvious when a spoiled child becomes accustomed to seek his hysterics. This is one of the most common ways to manipulate adults. Sometimes hysteria can happen and unconsciously, because a small child, unlike adults, does not know how to control his emotions. It is easy to distinguish a real hysterics from a simple whim.
At usual whim the child can be upset, offended or crying softly. Hysteria is accompanied by violence, irrepressible crying, children can fall to the floor, squeal, stomp their feet, and sometimes even beat adults.
How to behave properly
The problems of upbringing become obvious if your child has started using such manipulations. Of course, any parent to look at such a state of the baby will be hurt, and his child will be very sorry. But to yield in such a situation means to make it clear that the hysteria is working. If, after such behavior, the child achieves the desired, consider that now you are doomed to constant tantrums.
How to calm a child
The culture of the upbringing of children should be present from an early age. Let the child understand that such behavior will lead to nothing. If a hysterical fit has begun at home, just leave the baby alone in the room and explain that you will continue talking with him only after he calms down.
Hysterics outside the house - what to do?
The situation is much more complicated when the hysteria begins in a public place. Many parents are lost and start to feel embarrassed about others. At such a moment they agree to give in to the little hysterics, if only he could soon calm down. This behavior is unacceptable and is the most direct way to spoil the child even more.
If such a nuisance happened in a store, a cafe or on the street, just walk away from the child so that he understands that nobody is watching his hysterics. Of course, the distance should be such that the parent watches his child, but the child must at the same time understand that his concert was left without spectators. You yourself will be surprised how quickly a small tyrant can take in himself.
Recommendations for parents
Correct early education of the child will help to avoid numerous problems in the future. To help develop smart tactics, especially if one child grows up in a family, one can listen to the advice of teachers and psychologists:
- The house must be set certain rules, and the child must realize that their performance is compulsory (for example, cartoons look no more than an hour a day, toys after the game are removed necessarily).
- Seniors should be steadfast in their decisions. Categorically you can not forbid something to the child, and then one time to allow.
- Do not indulge the whims and desires of children, if they are not really justified. Let them know that everything is a measure. In cases where the child is persistently asking for something, ask why he needs it. If the kid can prove to you that he needs it, then give or buy. If it's just a whim, explain to the kid that in what he wants, there is no urgent need.
- The child should have his simplest and most primitive household chores, such as filling a bed or wiping dust in his room. Do not let other adults do it for him.
- Never indulge in childish hysteria.
Unity in the family is the key to proper education
Both parents must adhere to the same principles and tactics of upbringing. If there are grandmothers, grandfathers and other relatives, they must fully support the parents. If one member of the family forbids something, the other in no case should not allow this.All members of the family should clearly understand that it is undoubtedly necessary to love and feel sorry for the baby. But if you spoil him as a child, then this upbringing will not help him in the future. In adulthood, such a child will face many difficulties, to which he will not be ready.