How to find common ground with a teenager? Communication with teenagers: psychology
Many parents face problems in raising a teenager. They ask themselves: "Where did the adorable, sweet baby? How he could change?" And closer to the prom night in school, the child becomes generally uncontrollable. Parents should remember that it is common for many families the problem. Anyway, this period has to be overcome and try to establish a relationship with a son or daughter. We will try to understand this issue and understand how to find common ground with a teenager.
There are parents who are afraid of puberty of their children. Suddenly they are out of control, starts to smoke and drink alcohol will call themselves "hipsters" or start to run away from home?
It is actually not so bad. No wonder adolescence is called "spring of life". And for most children starts sweet time. At this point you need to learn to control the situation to support the child and not to spoil the happiest moments of his youth. To cope with this, we should dive into another world – the world of the child and to understand what changes occur at such a young age.
I'm sure many parents started to notice that the child began to talk in a different language, strange dress, to be rude, to provoke scandals to spoil the hair, listen to wild music and attract attention. Communication of adolescents with parents is eroding. They do not understand each other, because fathers and children are different generations, who have their own values, worldview, vocabulary, aesthetics and so on. Of course, the unknown is scary, especially when it comes to their own child. And to understand the mysterious world of the teenager in the first place it is necessary to listen, to understand and accept. Parents are willing to dialogue, but the children are not in a hurry to share the most intimate...
What to do in this situation?
Studying such Sciences as psychology of development and age psychology, the majority of experts came to the conclusion that the way a child is through the understanding. The first step is to accept the fact that he may have other interests, even if their parents don't approve. Remember a younger me what you wanted then that was not enough.... Comparing their desires and behaviors in adolescence with the behavior of your child, you need to install new rules in the house: let your son or daughter listen to the music you like, wear whatever you want, use the jargon without using profanity, but you have to understand and accept. What kind of parents will relate to the teenager, the faster it will open and let in your inner world. Imagine the following situation: the child has gone abroad. He dropped out of our reality, began to talk in a different language. After his arrival home you will have to find a common language with him.
What not to do
In this modern age, adolescents begin to resort to experimentation with cigarettes and alcohol, get into bad company. This behavior leads parents in horror. In addition to alcohol, drugs and cigarettes, there are several defects that can span of a teenager Internet addiction, and extreme Hobbies and unprotected sex. And here's the scary part: the more parents forbid, swear and punish, the more the child stretches in your world – the world of childish Hobbies. And like the parents tried, what does not communicating with teenagers. Psychology as science says that these experiments have one feature. Indeed, this way, children learn about the world, not knowing where the end of line. If we are talking about films or games with death – here it is necessary to sound the alarm, child lost in the real world.
If a teenager absorbed in a computer game, it says that their prosaic days it substitutes fantasies. Drug use children who want to numb the pain. With bad companies contact teenagers who feel alienated at home.
Of course, there is no such recipe that could insure a teenager from the dangers in his path of growing up. But sometimes parents themselves exacerbate the situation: unhealthy atmosphere in the family, the scandals, shouting, swearing, negative example of the older all this pushes the child into the abyss.
The direction in which to move
Today, modern teenagers need help. In order to protect your child from dangerous situations, it is necessary to act in three directions.
First and foremost, equip it with all necessary information. Some psychologists advise to reduce the child in the cancer center where patients who at the time became interested in cigarettes. Show him drug treatment center and tell us about the consequences of drug abuse. Today, many contemporary teen magazines publish information on how bad habits and dangerous experiments affect the child's life, what that leads to.
If you don't know how to find common ground with a teenager, you should go in a different direction. Create a home as an atmosphere of trust, treat the child with love and respect. Forget about aggression towards anyone. You must create such an atmosphere that he didn't want to run away from home. Parents tip: do not smoke or drink alcohol in the presence of a child – he can take a cue from you, and talk about the fact that Smoking is dangerous to health, will be in vain. Children copy their parents ' behavior, so you need to become your child's shining example. Control your emotions, learn to listen, and most importantly, to understand. Living his life together, and then he will not want to run away from home.
The third direction is a hard ban on dangerous game. If a teenager broke it, then the violation should be punished. Peculiarities of communication with teenagers is a sequence of actions, it is impossible to let go. For example, you caught a child with a cigarette, the punishment should not be aggressive or emotional, let him a week to walk and do not break your word.
Sex. What is it?
According to statistics, most high school students lose their virginity at the age of 15 years. Libido is dictated by nature, and that's fine. But for fifteen-year-old child, especially for girls, to have sex in this usaste too early. And one can understand parents who are afraid of child sexuality, unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. Fear drives the parents to commit a series of errors. No need to tell Teens that sex is a terrible sin. Sexual attraction isn't going anywhere, but the child will be a bunch of complexes. The time will come when he will need to create a family, and how to install it will be to approach such an important decision?
Developmental psychology and developmental psychology regarding sex, I advise you not to engage in moralizing. Better to bring the child to the maximum of information, to explain how dangerous unprotected sex can lead to unwanted pregnancy. You do not need to meddle in his personal life.
How to find common ground with a teenager
Adolescence is also called a fateful crisis, vulnerable, difficult. During this period, a new man who seeks to become an adult and tries to get rid of parental control. The child seeks himself, and in his quest makes many mistakes. Many parents understand this, but don't know how to find common ground with a teenager in such a difficult time.
Of course, parents are upset when their son or daughter begin to be rude. Why is this happening?
Why are kids rude?
The fact that aggression is dormant in every human being. According to psychologists, such qualities as determination, assertiveness and ability to defend their position laid aggressiveness. But it's worth noting that sometimes helps a person to survive. Therefore, the aggression has both positive and negative charge. And the form of its manifestation depends on the situation, character and upbringing.
Often the parents themselves become the cause of the rude behavior of their child. If the family all speak in a raised voice, not respect each other, and the child will grow the same. And how can parents require the teenager a good, respectful attitude if he realizes this, because he cannot do it differently?
The mistakes of parents
- the lack of control
- hard relationship
- exaggerated control
- the desire to raise a Prodigy
- emotional rejection.
The child grew quiet, obedient, that is what you want to see him parents, it is first necessary to give him freedom. "If you do not touch the tree, it will grow straight". The child grew, and time to get used to the idea.
- Parental sermons most annoying child. Communicating with a teenager is supposed to happen on a positive wave. The child has its own views and opinions, and this need to be considered.
- Compromise. Cursing each other, no one owes nothing to prove. Negative emotions will not lead to understanding.
- No need to blame, to hurt the teenager and sarcastic in his address.
- Be firm in your decisions and consistent. You can not demand from a child what you yourself do not perform.
This period is very complicated and communication with your teenager might lead parents to a dead end. You need to remember that this is youth, and a child full of energy, he wants to love and be loved, to conquer the top, to do crazy things, everything is interesting to him. At this age he needs good friends, and well, if it will be the parents.