How to find a common language with a teenager? Communication with teenagers: psychology
Many parents face problems in the education of adolescents. They ask themselves: "Where did the charming, sweet child go? How could he have changed that? "And closer to the graduation party at school, the child becomes generally uncontrollable. Parents should remember that this is a common problem for many families. One way or another, this period must be overcome and try to establish relations with the son or daughter. We will try to understand this issue and understand how to find a common language with a teenager.
A difficult age
There are parents who are afraid of the transitional age of their children. Suddenly they will get out of control, start smoking and drinking alcohol, surround themselves with hipsters, or start running away from home?
In fact, everything is not so scary. No wonder that adolescence is called "spring of life". And for most children a sweet time begins. At this point, you need to learn to control the situation, support the child and not spoil the happy moments of youth. To cope with this, you should plunge into another world - into the world of the child - and understand what kind of changes occur at such a young age.
Surely many parents began to notice that the child began to talk in another language, strange to dress, be rude, provoke scandals, spoil the hair, listen to wild music and attract attention. Communication of teenagers with parents is coming to naught. They do not understand each other, because fathers and children are different generations, who have their own values, world view, lexicon, aesthetics and so on. Naturally, the unknown scares, especially if it concerns your own child. And to understand the mysterious world of a teenager, in the first place it must be listened to, understood and accepted. Parents are ready for dialogue, but children are not in a hurry to share the most intimate ...
How to act in this situation?
Studying such sciences as developmental psychology and age psychology, most experts came to the conclusion that the way to the child lies through understanding. To begin with, one should accept the fact that he may have other interests, even if his parents do not approve of it. Remember yourself in youth, what you wanted then, what was missing .... Comparing your desires and behavior in your youth with how your child behaves, it is necessary to establish new rules in your home: let the son or daughter listen to music that they like, wear whatever they want, use jargon without using profanity, and you It remains to understand and accept this.The more kindly parents will treat a teenager, the sooner he will open up and let him into his inner world. Imagine this situation: a child went abroad. He fell out of our reality, began to speak another language. After his arrival home you will have to find a common language with him.
What you can not do
At this age, modern adolescents begin to resort to experiments with cigarettes and alcohol, fall into bad companies. This behavior causes parents to be horrified. In addition to alcohol, drugs and cigarettes, there are a few more vices that can reach a teenager - this is Internet addiction, extreme hobbies and unprotected sex. And here begins the most terrible: the more parents forbid, swear and punish, the more active the child reaches into his world - into the world of non-childish hobbies. And no matter how parents try and do not lead to communication with adolescents.Psychology as a science says that such experiments have one feature. Indeed, in this way, children learn the world, not understanding where the limits of what is permitted end. If the conversation is about bad company or games with death - it is necessary to beat the bells, the child was lost in the real world.
If the teenager "left" for computer games, this indicates that his prose days he replaces fantasy. Drugs are used by children who want to drown out the pain. Bad companies connect teenagers who feel at home at home.
Of course, there is no such recipe that could insure a teenager from the dangers of his growing up. But sometimes parents themselves exacerbate the situation: an unhealthy atmosphere in the family, scandals, shouts, swearing, a negative example of the elders - all this pushes the child into the abyss.
Directions in which to move
Today, modern adolescents need help. In order to protect your child from dangerous situations, you need to act in three ways.
First of all, equip him with the necessary information. Some psychologists advise to reduce a child to an oncology center, where patients lie, who at one time became interested in cigarettes. Show him a drug treatment center and tell about the consequences of drug abuse. Today, many modern teen magazines publish information about how bad habits and dangerous experiments affect the life of the child, what it leads to.
If you do not know how to find a common language with a teenager, you should go in a different direction. Create in the house the most confidential atmosphere, treat the child with love and respect. Forget about aggression towards anyone. It is necessary to create an atmosphere that he does not want to run away from home. Parents advice: do not smoke and do not drink alcohol in the presence of the child - he can take an example from you, and talk about smoking is dangerous to health, will be in vain. Children copy the behavior of parents, so you need to become a vivid example for your child. Control your emotions, know how to listen, and most importantly, to understand. Live his life together, and then he will not want to run away from home.
The third direction is a firm ban on dangerous games. If a teenager has violated it, then the violation must be punished. The features of communication with adolescents is a sequence of actions, one can not let go of the situation. For example, you caught a child with a cigarette, the punishment should not be aggressive or emotional, forbid him to walk for a week and do not break his word.
Sex. What is it?
According to statistics, most high school students lose their virginity at the age of 15. Sexual attraction is dictated by nature, and this is normal. But for a fifteen-year-old child, especially for girls, it's still too early to have sex in this life. And you can understand parents who are afraid of child sexuality, unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.Fear pushes parents to commit series of mistakes. You do not need to tell a teenager that sex is a terrible sin. Sexual attraction does not go anywhere, but the child will have a bunch of complexes. The time will come when he will need to create a family, and with what attitude will he approach such an important decision?
Developmental psychology and age-related psychology advise against sex not to practice morals. It is better to bring to the child a maximum of information, to explain how dangerous unprotected sex, which can lead to unwanted pregnancy. It does not need to climb into his personal life.
How to find a common language with a teenager
Adolescence is also called fateful, crisis, vulnerable, difficult. During this period a new person is formed, who aspires to become an adult and tries to get rid of parental control. The child is looking for himself, and in his search makes many mistakes. Many parents understand this, but do not know how to find a common language with a teenager in such a difficult time.
Of course, parents are upset when their son or daughter begins to be rude. Why is this happening?
Why do children get rude?
The fact is that aggression is slumbering in every person. In the opinion of psychologists, in such qualities as purposefulness, the desire to assert themselves and the ability to defend their position, it is aggression that is laid. But it is worth noting that this quality sometimes helps a person to survive. Therefore, aggressiveness carries both a positive and a negative charge. And the form of its manifestation depends on the situation, nature and upbringing.
Often parents themselves become the reason for the brutal behavior of their child. If everyone in the family talks in elevated tones, do not respect each other, then the child will grow the same. And how can parents demand from a teenager a good, respectful attitude to themselves, if he does not understand what it is, because he does not know how?
Errors of parents
- lack of control;
- satisfaction of all needs;
- rigid relations;
- hypertrophied control;
- the desire to educate the child prodigy;
- emotional rejection.
To ensure that the child has grown calm, obedient, that is, what parents want him to see, first of all it is necessary to give him freedom. "If you do not touch the tree - it will grow even." The child has grown, and it's time to get used to this thought.
- Parental moralizing most irritates the child. Communication with a teenager should occur on a positive wave. The child has his views and opinions, and this must be taken into account.
- Compromise. Swearing at each other, no one will prove anything to anyone. Negative emotions will not lead to understanding.
- No need to reproach, offend a teenager and yelp in his address.
- Be firm in your decisions and consistent. You can not ask the child for something that you yourself do not.
This period is very difficult, and communication with a teenager can lead parents into a dead end. It must be remembered that this is a youth, and the child is full of energy, he wants to love and be loved, to conquer peaks, to perform insane acts, everything is interesting to him. It is at this age that he needs good friends, and it's good if they are parents.