How to punish children for disobedience: correct pedagogical methods
The process of education is quite complex, as it must occur daily, and its success depends on the consistency and purposefulness of actions in adults. But no matter how parents tried to explain to the child the rules and norms of behavior in society from the very birth, there is still a moment when he violates them, after which the punishment necessarily follows. This is where the problem arises for adults, because not everyone knows how to punish a child for disobedience correctly, so that this process is effective, and the baby does not do the same in the future. This is a more serious problem than it seems at first glance.
How can I punish a child with disobedience?
First of all, we need to understand that there is a clear prohibition in the process of education, which in no case can not be violated - physical punishment is unacceptable! Regardless of what your child has done, it is in no way possible to apply force to him. Even if children become too stubborn, all their actions are done deliberately, and no persuasion does not work, you still need to look for other ways of punishment, you need to find those words or actions that can affect the behavior of the child. It is better to study special literature, which will tell you how to punish children for disobedience.
To suppress the wrong actions and actions of the child you need right after you notice them. Before the punishment you need to be absolutely sure that the specific bad act was committed by your child, and your actions will be justified, otherwise the punishment will have the opposite effect. And then you will begin to think about how to punish children for disobedience, constantly.
Is it always necessary to punish children for disobedience?
Sometimes parents confuse intentional whims with whims due to malaise, hunger or thirst, and very often the kids behave this way after the illness, because they feel weak. This can be expressed as follows: during lunch they want to sleep, and during the day's sleep they feel a surge of energy. In this case, you can not punish the child, because changing the regime of the day is unintentional. Therefore, first we need to find out what they are trying to achieve, before punishing children for disobedience. Komarovsky says: you need to explain to the kids that their whims only upset their parents.
At what age can you punish a child?
Psychologists argue that the punishment of a child under two and a half years does not mean anything. The child does not realize that he has committed a bad deed, but will think that his parents suddenly stopped loving him, because they forbid playing the usual games in which he had previously played. Yes, the child understands that this toy is broken or the wall is dirty, but he does not understand that it is impossible to do this and does not feel guilty, therefore parents are advised not to punish the child up to this age. It is not necessary to think how to punish children for disobedience, it is only necessary to explain the consequences of their behavior each time to the child, for example, that the plate can break, if it is thrown out, the toy can break and play with it the child can no longer.
At this age, your own example will be effective. Parents can show what actions will please close people, and which will upset them.
Only when the age reaches 2.5-3 years, the child slowly begins to independently manage their actions and behavior. But this does not mean that you need to immediately embark on all the hard and punish the baby. And at the specified age, this must be done correctly. First of all, you need to calm down. Do not shout at all. Try to tell the baby the reason why he is wrong, strictly, but calmly. Literally in a year the child will be able to independently distinguish good deeds from bad ones. In the event that you correctly punished him, he will be afraid of your anger, and he himself will be confessed in everything. That's why you need to know how to punish children for disobedience.
Remember also about the peculiarity of three-year-old children to go against their parents not because they want to annoy you, but because they begin to feel their independence and try to show it.
How to properly punish a three-year-old child
When choosing a child's punishment at this age, consider the fact how much you own your emotions at the moment, whether you can listen to your baby, whether you can give him enough time to analyze the situation.
At the age of three, the child begins to be actively interested in the surrounding world. If earlier it was enough for him to just feel something, now this interest is more global, and the main question is "Why?". He is not yet able to understand why you can not draw with pencils on wallpaper or pull a cat by the tail.
Rules for the punishment of children aged 6 to 10 years
At this age, the children already understand and know what is good and what is bad. However, under certain circumstances a child may have a desire to rebel, as if claiming his rights. The ways in which to punish a child for 8 years for disobedience should be the same as for young children, but new principles also appear:
- Before you punish a child for disobedience (9 years is the age when punishment should already be), you need to make sure that there are no witnesses, because their presence will humiliate the child, which will lead to even greater persistence.
- You can not compare a child with other children, the result is not good behavior, but lack of confidence in yourself and your strengths.
- The child should have certain duties in school and at home, but they should not be punishments, for example, you can not punish him by cleaning or lessons.
- The line of conduct should always be kept until the end, for example, if you decide not to talk with the baby, then you need to maintain this behavior until the child understands what he is at fault, otherwise he decides that you will always make concessions , and from misconduct will not be able to get rid of.
- Do not use the particle "not", try to explain what you need to do, and not forbid, for example, "You can not eat with unwashed hands" is better to replace with the phrase "Before eating, you need to wash your hands." So the child will understand that he is not forbidden to do anything, but they say how best to do it.
- You must punish even for minor offenses. Remember that if, after minor violations of the order, the child goes unpunished, then each time they will be bigger and bigger, and it will not be possible to stop the impatience.
General rules of punishment
There are certain rules of punishment, observance of which will help achieve the desired effect and not spoil relations with the child. They do not depend on the age of the baby.
The first rule is that you can not rip off anger on a child. Regardless of the amount of misdemeanor, punishment should be calm and measured action. Only so it will have sufficient strength. When disrupting anger, any punishment becomes unfair, the child will feel it. He does not consider such punishments serious, he is just afraid of your cry, he can cry, but he will be sure that you are wrong, and that means his behavior will not change either.
The punishment must necessarily correspond to the act. It should not be too soft or too serious. To do this, you need to carefully analyze the situation, besides, many factors are recommended, for example, the repeated punishment for a similar offense should be more severe than the previous one. If the child understands his guilt, sincerely repents, then the punishment can be conditional.
In the event that several members of the family are engaged in the upbringing of the child, they all must adhere to a single opinion on the punishment. For example, if the dad punishes, and the mother constantly regrets, the child will understand that he will always be able to escape punishment. Therefore, before this parents are better to consult and come to a common opinion.
Punishment is a way to show the child the consequences of his bad deeds. It should not be aimed at intimidating a baby, he must realize that this can not be done. Sometimes one does not have to constantly think about how to punish a child for disobedience (10 years - when this age is attained, a person can clearly understand the cause-effect relationships, and hence the punishment will be effective), but it is better to find out the reasons for this behavior.
What happens if children are not punished?
Many modern parents believe that the child's happy childhood is associated with a lack of punishment. They live in the hope that the child will outgrow his bad behavior, with age, everything will be understood. This opinion was and American pediatrician B. Spock. He believed that children demand respect, recognition of natural needs, and considered punishment by violence over the psyche. With the child, thus, the responsibility was completely removed. However, this method of upbringing leads to the fact that parents go on about their own child. Yes, the kid himself is so quieter to live now, in a world where everything is answered by his mother, but as he grows up, it becomes much more difficult for such a child to adapt in society.
The main purpose of punishment
Proper punishment allows you to form a child's idea of the boundaries of what is permitted, to avoid selfish, disrespectful attitude to other people, and help the child learn how to organize themselves. Lack of punishment will lead to the fact that parents within a certain time will simply accumulate in themselves irritation, negative emotions, which sooner or later all the same will result in punishment. It is very likely that this will be the use of force, which for the child will be a tragedy.
If the child is not punished, he will not feel care about himself, as he will probably assume that it does not matter to his parents what he does. Indulgence of parents does not lead to behavior change, but only to conflicts. Therefore, in the life of the child there must necessarily be certain rules, restrictions and prohibitions.
If the punishment is too much
Equally, the absence of punishment and their excessive number does not lead to the desired result. In a family where a child is punished too often, there are two ways of personal development. Either he grows up intimidated, anxious, dependent, he does not understand what can and can not be done. Or the child may not comply with the rules, rebel, resulting in an antisocial behavior. Both the first and second variant is an example of a person with a psychological trauma. To a child who is often punished, it will be difficult for parents to find an approach, as a result, difficulties will arise with taking responsibility, self-esteem, realizing themselves as individuals.